I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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