Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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