You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
