I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
