went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
