I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
