she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
