quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
