I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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