I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
