Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
