pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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