I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
