dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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