if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
