Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
