You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
