I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
