so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
