Redeem this text for a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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