Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
