if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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