Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
