porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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