he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
