I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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