i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
