he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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