You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
