Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
