that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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