happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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