eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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