I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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