i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
