I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
