Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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