and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
