I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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