Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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