is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
