in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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