That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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