It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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