If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
