dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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