So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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