The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
