we have pet lesbian snakes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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