I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
